After returning recently from a beautiful holiday in Italy, I have finally been given a push to take pen to paper once more. I have even overcome my tendency to take several months to finish a blog, due to the seasonal relevance of this journal. Little point discussing summer issues come December.
My motivation for this particular piece of writing, came to me in a momentary reminder that just as the Christmas and Easter holidays can be stressful, summer can be difficult too. Clouded by the excitement of breaking up from school for a well needed break and a highly anticipated holiday, I of all people forgot this.
When however I was kindly reminded during my trip, I gratefully accepted some reassurance, comfort, and a healthy discussion from those around me. This led me to reflect over why I was feeling the way I was, and how I could better prepare to overcome these challenges in the future. Alongside my own reflection, it was significantly due to the words of wisdom from my wonderful friends around me, that I was able to move past the anxieties I was experiencing. Therefore it is with a big thank you to my Italy pals that I write this. Sometimes we are not so good at practicing what we preach, and their rationality, wisdom and reassurance, were vital contributions to this blog.
The Challenge
I’m sure there are few people who can deny, that summer holidays are most commonly portrayed as idyllic breaks, where holiday goers experience paradisiacal bless, resulting in total happiness and relaxation. Now, call me a pessimist, but I have to say that sometimes this cannot always be the case for all people.
For me personally, summer holidays present a number of personal challenges. These are challenges specific to my own personal journey, and it is important for us to appreciate and understand that different people may find different things challenging in these holiday situations. For myself, summer holidays challenge my eating disorders of past times and having battled with self-esteem issues over the years, the wearing of fewer clothes during summer, is no easy task. Then there are the anxieties about being away from the safe routines and environment with which I am familiar and comfortable. This can lead to an unpleasant feeling that bad things are going to happen to me or those around me. Add to that a fear of planes and flying and you have yourself a potential recipe for disaster. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
The Overcoming
1) Know your triggers
One of the most important lessons I have learnt through my journey of mental health, is the importance of knowing and acknowledging our stressors/triggers. These are the stress factors in life that can lead us to feel uncomfortable, distressed, unhappy, and sometimes unable to cope. These stressors are different for each and every one of us, but identifying them will enable us to make manageable changes to avoid or cope with these situations, as and when they arise.
It is an undeniable fact that for many people, summer holidays naturally present a lot of potential stressors. These can include; long claustrophobic journeys, anxiety about missing transport, exposing ones body in summer clothes, queuing, large crowds of people, loud unfamiliar noises, being away from home, unfamiliar cuisine and people, and a different routine. In light of the stressors that can occur when we travel on summer holidays, it is a good idea to think about the situations that we may find difficult, or indeed that members of the party we are travelling with might find uncomfortable. When we have thought about this, we can plan accordingly. If the thought of missing a plane causes anxiety, leave an hour early to the airport. If the thought of being in a bikini makes you uncomfortable, wear a swimming costume and find a t-shirt that is thin and that you are able to wear over the top.
I cannot deny however that despite our best efforts to predict our triggers in advance of our jolly holidays, this may not always be possible. Outside our usual comfort zone and in a new unfamiliar setting, we are often unable to predict when or where a stressor may occur. Indeed, there may also be situations where we simply cannot avoid our triggers and we have to look them in the face and stand up tall. In these cases, unless we want to avoid a summer holiday completely (and let the anxieties win), we must learn how best to cope as and when they do occur. So how can we do this?
“It is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning how to dance in the rain”
2) Talk about it
Those who know me will know this is my absolute number 1 advise when struggling with any issue, anxiety or unhappiness. I’ve tried a lot of things to get me through my difficult times over the years, and this is the thing that continually and without fail, will always make me feel better. The conversation may only be small, but my mood will always improve having vocalised out loud my concerns to another person. Admittedly, it is important to find the right person to confide in, so think about that person to have on speed dial when you are feeling any sort of holiday anxiety or sadness. This may be someone you’re with, or someone back home, but make sure you reach out. Helplines and email support lines are also out there, operated by wonderful organisations such as ChildLine and Samaritans.
“A problem shared is a problem halved” (Most of the time)
“Don’t suffer in silence”
But why is it important to reach out?
One of the features of conditions such as depression, anxiety and eating disorders, is that you are prone to experiencing negative thoughts about yourself and/or the world around you. Examples of these are “Something awful is going to happen when I travel” or “I look terrible,, I should not go out in a swimming costume”. When these negative thoughts occur, we often keep them to ourselves for a number of reasons. These reasons can include feelings of shame, or feeling unable or awkward when discussing these issues with others. If we do not share these negative feelings however, we often continue being unkind to ourselves which can often result in a spiral of despair and sadness. The place that we enter when we engage with our negative thoughts in this ongoing way, is often referred to as our “irrational mind”. Our irrational mind, or mine indeed, is a place where my thoughts are no longer based on any rationale or logic, but are overtaken by emotional distress and a deficiency in normal cognitive processes. In plain terms, any normal thought processes go out the window, and are totally overtaken by a sea of emotions which prevent us from thinking rationally or making clear decisions. Once in our irrational mind, we are rarely able to talk fairly and rationally to ourselves. It is for this reason that we reach out to those around us who can talk to us from a logical external perspective, and help us manage the emotions to find our back to a rational frame of mind.
3) Don’t be too hard on yourself
One of the things that was a real issue for me this holiday, and led to a whole lot more negative self-talk than I was already experiencing, was the guilt that came alongside my anxieties whilst on such a beautiful trip. Overlooking Lake Garda, surrounded by some of my best friends and showered with sunshine, how dare I shed a tear of sadness? I should be happy. Or should I?
Thankfully, my friends were there to provide some rational thinking on this particular point, and they were much kinder to me than I was being to myself. And they were, as always, completely right. In truth, of course we cannot always be happy all of the time, we are human, and we are equally as likely to experience sadness and anxiety, wherever we are in the world. It is okay to find summer holidays difficult, it is okay to feel sad or anxious, in fact it is more than okay, it is absolutely normal and really quite logical! For anyone, and in particular for those who are partial to experiencing anxieties or unhappiness, travelling away from ones safe and familiar environment and surrounding ourselves with potential stressors, is more than likely to create feelings of uncertainty and potential distress. We must rid ourselves of the idea that we must constantly be happy whilst on holiday because in reality, few people will truly achieve this during every moment of their trip. The sooner we do this, the kinder we can be to ourselves.
One thing I know some people find useful in situations where they are feeling negative and being unkind to themselves, is to picture your closest friend experiencing the feelings of anxiety and distress that you are currently being overwhelmed by. Now picture they come to you, and share with you the reasons for their unhappiness. What would you say to them? Would you speak to them the way you are speaking to yourself? Would you be critical and attacking, or would you be calm, reassuring, understanding and comforting? Would you tell them they were an awful person to feel sadness on holiday, or talk with them rationally and help them see that they have every right to feel sad on holiday, just as they would any other day? Try talking to yourself in the same way you would talk to your best friend. Listen to your own advice and be kind to yourself.
4) Have a good cry
I’m fairly confident that this is another fail proof way of improving our mood when faced with anxieties and sadness whilst on vacation. Crying gives us a way to physically relieve ourselves of the negative feelings we are experiencing. Research over the years has shown that the physical act of crying improves mood and also removes feelings of unhappiness. We feel better after crying because our tears remove chemicals that build up during stress. Research has also shown that men cry on average 1/5th as often as women, partly due to genetic differences but mainly due to gender stereotypes. This holiday however, don’t hold back, it’s good to cry, for both men and women! Let it all out, you’re on holiday after all!
“Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see life with a clearer view again”
5) Drink lots of water & don’t have too much sun!
Not usually lucky enough to spend every day lying in 30+ degree sun, I forgot just how draining that ball of heat can be. I would be hypocritical to write this particular point, whilst pretending I practiced this particular preach. Truth be told I hate drinking water. It’s boring and dull and I only drank it because I was made to by some very good friends. Despite my grumpy face every time they would insist, they were right to make me do so.
One of the top side affects of dehydration is exhaustion and fatigue. And one of the common causes of low mood? Exhaustion and fatigue. Im sure we all know that person, if not ourselves, who can get irritated and unhappy when they haven’t been fed or watered. Regular food and drink keeps our sugar levels and hydration levels where they should be, but remember we will need that bit extra when in hot climates, as our body will become dehydrated and exhausted quicker than in our usual environments.
If like me water is not appealing, mix it up with squash or cordials, or of course branch out to sparkling!
The Fun
Of course it is right to close on the positive note, that summer holidays have the potential to unlock happiness and relaxation for each and every one of us. For some that will be harder than others, but it is absolutely possible. The more we work to predict and avoid/overcome our triggers, the less likely we are to experience a build up of anxiety and/or negative thoughts. Similarly, the kinder we are to ourselves, the more we share our concerns with others, and the more we take care of ourselves both physically and mentally, the more likely we are to achieve that little bit of happiness and relaxation on our holidays.
❤
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