In contrast to popular belief, you don’t have to be an expert in mental health to support someone who is struggling with their wellbeing. In fact, every individual is an expert of their own mental health, so let them lead you on how they feel. Don’t put pressure on yourself to know all the answers and responses, but see a conversation as a joint effort between you both to explore how they are feeling and consider things that might help them feel better. Don’t feel you need to know everything about mental health, by simply listening, staying calm and helping them someone think through their difficulties, you can make a difference. I've included below ten practical tips on how to talk to people who might be experiencing challenges.
Be open – Let them know you’re there for them when they need to talk.
Listen – Take time to hear them out before jumping in and making assumptions or asking loads of questions. It is important to demonstrate active listening where you use non-verbal cues (nodding/shaking head, eye contact etc) to demonstrate that you are actively listening to what they have to say.
Understand – Take the time to understand what they are saying, before rushing into solving problems. Try to consider what they are saying in the context of their situation. If you don’t quite understand, don’t be afraid to tell them, or kindly ask them to explain more to help you understand better. If you find that you really cant understand their experience, don't dismiss or deny what they are saying, but instead, demonstrate that you accept what they are saying, even though you may not understand it entirely. It is important to remember in life that even though we might not understand something, that does not mean it is wrong.
Stay calm - Often when people share information about their mental health, we can experience our own emotions, and sometimes might feel uncomfortable with what is being shared. In these situations, it is helpful to take deep breaths, stay calm, and take a bit of time to decide how to reply.
Validate their experiences – Using sentences such as “it sounds like things are really difficult for you at the moment” or “I can hear how hard you are finding that”, validate people's experiences and demonstrate that you are acknowledging and understanding their feelings and not dismissing them in any way.
Curiosity – Sometimes people can find talking about their mental health difficult, and it may be helpful to offer prompts to explore things further. Sometimes direct questions can be intimidating and overwhelming, so practice demonstrating gentle curiosity using open questions like "how did it make you feel when that happened?" or "do you know when it was that you started feeling this way?". A particularly helpful curious statement can also be to ask people "Is there anything I can do to help you at this time?".
Avoid telling people that they are wrong to think or feel the way that they do – Although curiosity can be helpful, it is important to avoid dismissing what someone feeling and telling you. Sometimes it can be easy to slip into using statements like "You shouldn't be upset about something like that" or "Don't worry about that kind of thing". Although we of course use these statements with good intentions, they can appear dismissive to the way someone is feeling. Instead trade these statements in for some of the validating and curious ones that we discussed earlier, such as "it sounds as though you're really worried about that, do you think there's anything I can do to help?"
Empathy vs sympathy – When talking about mental health it can be useful to demonstrate empathy instead of sympathy. Empathy can be described as the process whereby we put ourselves (metaphorically) into someone else's shoes, in order to try and see things from their perspective and understand how they are feeling. It is helpful to identify with people (empathy) as opposed to feeling sorrow or pity for someone (sympathy). Another way to practice this might be to ask yourself, what would you want someone to say to you if you were feeling that way? Think what kind of qualities you would value in that moment and reflect that back.
Help them to come up with solutions if they are ready – If the person you are supporting appears to be at a place where they want to discuss practical solutions for managing their emotions and situation, involve them in this. Don't feel like you need to have all the suggestions but instead develop solutions together by asking questions such as “Shall we have a think about some ways that we might be able to approach this situation?” or “When you feel this way, what are some of the things you like to do to help you feel better?”
Encourage them to seek professional help if needed - Talking and supporting others with their mental health is not always easy, and it's important that we take care of ourselves as well. If you feel you are taking on too much and are not able to provide the level of support that is required, it might be worth encouraging them to access professional help. The first point of contact to access professional mental health support is commonly via the GP, although alternative support can also be accessed charities such as The Samaritans Helpline, Sane's Helpline, and Mind Support services.
If you are supporting someone, please also make sure you take care of your own well-being and access support for yourself if needed. You can access support via the same channels described above.
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